Are you trying to change your life, but you just keep getting stuck? Are you wanting to motivate to make a change that will boost your confidence and self-worth? In this episode, we're going to talk about why change is so difficult and why change is necessary for personal growth. If you want to know how to get inspired and how to stop self-sabotage... this one's for you. We'll cover why you resist change, how to make ACTUAL changes in your life. Learn why it's so hard to change habits, why change is essential for building self-worth, and most importantly, how to make it easier so you can unleash your true potential.
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Do you feel like you're stuck in a rut and you wanna make change and you wanna build self-worth, but change is almost impossible and pretty daunting. You're not alone in this guide we'll explore why change is so hard. Why it's necessary for self-worth and most importantly, how to make it easier so you can unleash your true potential. Get ready to take the first steps towards a better you.
Why Change Is So Hard
You don’t really want to
So first let's talk about why change is so hard. Well, the most obvious reason that probably doesn't seem so obvious is because you don't wanna, and what I mean by that is like, you want to want to change. I want to want to be a better person. I want to be the person that does these things. But secretly, there's a part of you that's like, yeah, but so I call that the want to want tos. What you have to look at is your actions are, is your behavior actually matching what you're saying? I want to get up and work out every day.
Well, if your behavior doesn't match that, that means that you actually don't wanna get up and work out every day. So you start by telling yourself the truth and go, oh wow, okay. I don't want to, and that is going to make it impossible to actually make that change.
you need a better ‘why’
The second reason why change is so hard is because your why isn't good enough. Like the reason behind the change isn't a powerful enough reason to actually motivate you to change. If you're trying to change because so and so told you, or you're trying to change because you have this ideal image that's like this better version of you, none of these things actually motivate change. They just make you feel worse and less empowered.
suffering is attached to changing
The next reason that we don't change or the change is so difficult is because we have too much pain attached to the change or the changing process, rather than having the pain attached to staying the same. So when I think that the changing process is going to be really difficult, really painful, I'm gonna suffer. It's gonna be hard. Instead of, oh, if I stay the same, it's gonna be really painful and really hard. You'll avoid the pain. When you are not changing or it's so daunting, or you keep saying you wanna change and things aren't changing, it's because you have these reversed, you have the change attached to too much pain, and you have stagnation not attached to enough pain.
focused on instant gratification
And the fourth reason why changes so hard is because you are focusing on instant gratification or what's right in front of your face rather than the long term gratification, happiness, success, or whatever you're trying to build. And believe me, instant gratification is wonderful and it's quick, and you notice. It, and it's really hard to keep doing something that maybe you're gonna see in five years, 10 years, five minutes, whatever it is, whatever your long term is. The more importance or the more focus, or the more attention you put on the instant gratification, the more difficult it's going to be for you to invest in those long-term goals.
Why Change Is Necessary for Self-Worth
Self-worth is strengthened by taking action or having behaviors that reinforce the idea that you are worth your time, energy, and attention. So when you're spending your time, attention, and energy doing things that devalue you. Eating, drinking, smoking, things that you know you shouldn't watching, doing, saying things that you know you shouldn't, you're in what I call the worthless cycle.
The worthless cycle is comprised of three points, the story, the behavior. And the results that reinforce the story go back to the behavior and the results that go back to the, so it goes around and around and around. And the hack to building self-worth is to change your behavior so that that change of behavior actually reinforces that you are worthy, that builds self-worth, which changes the story, which helps you change the behavior.
And by changing something that's really important to you and you know is going to make you a better person, you're not only changing your life, you're also moving yourself out of the worthless cycle and into the worthy cycle where it becomes easier and easier to reinforce that you're worth your time and attention and energy, and you're building self-respect. You're building self-love and you're building self-worth.
How to Make Self-Improvement Easier
choose something you truly want to change
So next, how do we make change easier so you can really unleash your true potential?
First, you have to do the opposite of want to want to, you actually have to want to change. So first, choose something that you know you'd be better if you did change, and that you are actually willing to change and be honest with yourself. You don't have to do something giant. You don't have to like completely overhaul your life. This quick hack to get back into the worthy cycle, you're going to change a tiny behavior. This might mean just make your bed. It might mean put your dishes away. Whatever it is, you change your behavior and that behavior reinforces, "Oh right, I am worth my time, energy, and attention." So you move over into the worthy cycle and you start building self-worth from there, and it makes change easier.
choose a powerful ‘why’ to motivate you
Two. Ask yourself, why do I want to change? And keep answering that question and just keep brainstorming and brainstorming and brainstorming until you get to a answer that feels like, oh, yeah, I, I'd do it for that, that that's a good enough why. That's a good enough reason that actually motivates me.
attach the suffering to stagnation
Number three, reframe the change You wanna make the idea of that change a lot less painful, so expand that suffering point for staying the same. Like if I don't want to change, I'm going to feel like this forever, or nothing's ever going to get better. Or, you know, you just build the stagnation point into this big thing and you build the change point into a tiny thing.Try to make stagnation inconvenient, uncomfortable, and try to make it seem really difficult. And then you want to decrease the pain associated with the change. And make the discomfort associated only with the process of change rather than a forever discomfort. So sometimes it's like, oh, I don't wanna have to do 25 sit-ups a day. That sounds terrible. That's like so many setups for the rest of my life and I can't do it. Ah. And so instead of doing it that way, you minimize the process of change. Oh, this is going to be a little bit hard while I implement this, and as time goes on, I'm gonna get better and better, and this is gonna get easier and easier. The change process starts to be minimized where the stagnation is maximized.
focus on long term benefits
Number four, try to focus as much as you can on long term. This means you have to celebrate every time you make it through an instant gratification temptation. And use that celebration to reinforce that you're worth it, you're amazing, you're mastering this, you're great, you're doing awesome. Truly like you wanna celebrate every time you make it through that five seconds, that five minutes, that two hours of whatever is that instant gratification little window that you're trying to make it through. If you're on the other side, celebrate it, reinforce it, bring attention to it, and like, Good job.
Being proud of yourself is really important. It's really powerful. So take a moment to notice like, I did something. I said I was going to do it, I did it. I can trust myself a little bit. And as you do that, it becomes easier and easier.
Recap
If you're trying to make a change to build self-worth, but you're feeling discouraged because pain is so difficult, this is what you do.
One. Remember, change is impossible when you really don't want to change, when your reason for change isn't powerful enough. And when you've associated suffering to changing rather than to stagnation.
Two. Remember, self-worth is strengthened by taking action that reinforces that you are worth your time, energy, and attention. This requires change.
Three, choose something to change that would actually make your life better. Pick something small and that you're actually willing to do.
Four, ask yourself why. Why change? Why should I do this? Until you have an answer that's powerful enough to motivate you.
Number five. Magnify the pain of stagnation and minimize the pain of change.
Number six, keep your eye on the prize. Celebrate your wins. Focus on long-term gains and reinforce a sense of self-worth and mastery.
What's one small change that you want to make in your life? And if you have made a big change, please tell me. Let's celebrate.