Today, I'll walk you through traits that narcissists look for, why the greatest parts of your personality put you in danger of exploitation, and how to break these patterns so you can truly have a healthy and happy relationship.
Have you ever wondered why narcissists seem to be drawn to some people but not others? Is it just bad luck, or is there a specific personality profile that tends to attract them? I’ll walk you through the traits narcissists actually look for, why the greatest parts of your personality might put you at risk, and how you can break free of these patterns to achieve healthy relationships.
Today, you’re sitting in on a coaching session with Bash. He’s realized that he’s had a few narcissists in his life—a former girlfriend, an old friend—and now he has a burning question: Why am I a magnet for narcissists?
I asked Bash when he first noticed this pattern in his life. He shared that his relationship with his ex-girlfriend—who had serious health problems—was the first time he encountered narcissistic behavior. He poured all of his energy into helping her, neglecting his own needs. That pattern of “fixing” continued in a long-term friendship, where he felt the need to take care of the other person.
I pointed out that people don’t just accidentally fall into relationships with narcissists—they often fit a profile that narcissists target. I asked Bash if he recognized any traits in himself that fit this profile.
He identified himself as a "high empath," someone who deeply cares about others and tends to see the best in people, often to a fault. This made him an easy target for narcissists, who thrive on people willing to give endlessly without expecting anything in return. Bash shared that he often rationalized others’ bad behavior, believing their actions were justified due to external circumstances.
We dug deeper into Bash’s history, and he reflected on how he played the role of the strong one during his parents’ divorce, taking on the responsibility of keeping things together. This need to fix others and take responsibility for their emotions had become a recurring pattern in his relationships, even when it was detrimental to his own well-being.
One of the key takeaways from this session was understanding the concept of enabling—making excuses for someone’s behavior instead of holding them accountable. Bash realized that he had been enabling narcissists by tolerating their bad behavior and not enforcing boundaries. In relationships, this creates a cycle of giving without receiving, which can deplete self-worth.
We also discussed how this pattern of conflict avoidance—fear of bringing up issues—was a major factor in why Bash attracted narcissists. He shared how even in his current healthy relationship, he sometimes struggled to speak up, fearing it would cause conflict. However, he’s now learning that healthy relationships require honesty and the willingness to risk discomfort in order to grow stronger.
Bash also noticed how, at work as a manager, he had clear boundaries and wasn’t afraid of conflict, yet in his personal relationships, those boundaries collapsed. I encouraged him to apply some of the same boundary-setting skills he uses at work to his personal life.
The session concluded with a reflection on how building healthy relationships requires taking risks—telling the truth and confronting conflict instead of enabling. While it’s uncomfortable, it’s necessary for long-term growth and stability.
Main Takeaways:
Narcissists are drawn to people with specific traits, such as high empathy, a tendency to take responsibility for others, and conflict avoidance.
Being willing to "fix" others and rationalizing their bad behavior creates a dynamic where narcissists can exploit these personality traits.
Conflict avoidance and enabling behavior allow narcissists to take advantage of relationships without accountability.
Healthy relationships require honesty, boundary-setting, and the willingness to risk discomfort to grow stronger.
Learning to apply boundary-setting skills used in professional settings can help improve personal relationships.