In this episode, I dive deep into the challenging topic of dealing with manipulative people and uncover effective strategies to handle them. Whether you’re on the receiving end of a narcissist, you’re being gaslit by someone close to you, or trying to deal with toxic people, while protecting your mental well-being—this episode is for you. Learn how to stop feeling tired, frustrated, or drained by manipulators and how to protect your self-worth. Learn valuable insights and practical advice, as well as three simple steps to show you exactly how to handle a manipulative person with confidence and grace. By the end of this episode you’ll be empowered to handle manipulative situations confidently, centered in your own sense of self, and prepared to resist attempts to bring you back into the web of manipulation.
Transcript
Are you tired of being manipulated but not sure what to do? Manipulative people are not only frustrating and draining to be around, they also take a toll on your self-worth. Today we're tackling the issue head on and learning three simple steps for how to handle manipulative people with confidence and grace. Let's dive in.
Hey there, I'm Meadow DeVor, helping you with the basics of personal development so that you can build self-worth. On this channel, I share self-improvement strategies and practical ways to change your life.
Why Do People Want to Manipulate?
First, it's helpful to understand the motive behind manipulation.
Why do people manipulate? So. Here are a couple possibilities:
They have a difficult time feeling out of control.
People manipulate because they lack a sense of self.
They manipulate because they're immature or unhealthy or childlike.
They often have a fragile ego and a need to win.
Somewhere along the line, they learned that this was an effective strategy for them.
They lack healthy boundaries.
They focus on the short term, and they're compulsive in wanting control, attention, and power.
Why Do You Attract People Who Want to Manipulate?
Next, it's important to understand your part because that's the part where you have the most influence. So why do you attract manipulative people? So see if any of these ring true for you:
You might have been trained to be the counterpart to this.
You might have been raised in a house with a narcissist or borderline abusive parents, addicts or alcoholics.
It's possible that you also lack a sense of self.
You might be too agreeable, maybe a people pleaser or a codependent.
You lack healthy boundaries.
You also might have a fragile ego wanting to belong or to be accepted.
You might be a little compulsive in wanting to please fix or help.
What You Should Do if Someone’s Trying to Manipulate You
So now let's get into what you need to do when you're confronted with this situation. Here's how to handle a manipulative person.
Step one, center your axis of self right down the middle of you.
What I mean by that, is if you can imagine yourself as a circle or a planet or something that spins like a top, there is a little line running right down the middle of you that will keep you centered, and will keep you in your own orbit. So this axis has to be down the middle of you and not down the other person, and not down your boss. You have to be orbiting right around the middle of your own self.
If you want to know more about this, I talk about this extensively in my book, the Worthy Mind. It's available on Audible for free, and I linked it down below.
Moving on…
Step two, you need to know where you stand.
Otherwise, you won't notice when someone's trying to push you off of where you were. So if someone's trying to change you, persuade you, manipulate you, or bully, you won't know unless you know where your feet are to start with. So this means you have to know what you want and you need to know how you feel. This might mean that you need to limit contact with that person until you get grounded or until you actually know who you are and what you want.
It's really easy to manipulate someone that hasn't checked in with themselves. If you are a people pleaser, you're just going to be okay. I'll do that. Okay, I'll do that. Okay, I'll do that. And then next thing you know, you're resentful or you're tired, or you don't even know how you got there.
So you might need a little distance. You might need to limit contact so that you can keep yourself in and others out. First, you have to know what you actually want before someone else starts to tell you what they want.
Questions to Ask Yourself
So you need to ask yourself:
what do I want?
That means: What do I want before anybody else tells me what they want?
How do I feel about this?
So you might know how the manipulator feels about this or how they want you to feel about it, but you need to first know your own answer to this.
And then next…
does this push me off my axis?
Does it tilt my axis one way or another? Do I lose ground in one way or another? So then you have to just come right back and stabilize into yourself before you move on.
Step Three, Be Prepared.
What I mean by 'be prepared' is you might not know exactly what's happening to you or how hard it might be to get out, and you need to be prepared to remove, protect, and defend yourself.
If you are being manipulated, it's often because you're in what is called in psychology, a crab bucket. This metaphor, or crab mentality, crab bucket, crab pot mentality theory, refers to what crabs do when they're caught in a bucket and try to escape.
So the ones on the bottom? They don't allow anyone to escape. If a crab tries to escape the rest pull them down right back into the bucket. So even though any one crab could maybe get out, it gets pulled back in by the other ones, and it ensures that no one ever leaves the bucket.
And you might be in that bucket, or you might be pulled back in that bucket. Or you might be dealing with someone who sees you escaping and is gonna do their very best to get you right back in where they can control you or manipulate you. So crab theory is based on the idea that if I can't have it, neither can you.
And it coincides with behavior that if you try to escape a group or a dysfunctional pattern, the ones left in the bucket will try to reduce your self-confidence. They actually do it on purpose- reduce your self-confidence if you're trying to attempt to better yourself, escape dysfunction, or if you're the one setting boundaries and standing your ground. This stems from envy, jealousy, grandiosity, and they not only want to hold you down, they are willing to hold themselves back in order to keep you stuck in that crab pot with them.
For you to get out of the crab bucket, you are going to have to want to fight, be prepared, be strong, and be ready to be pulled back down. Sometimes this is called a change back attack. So somebody notices that you've changed or you're not, uh, being manipulated in the way they like or the way that they've trained you to be. And so it's called a change back attack, like they're trying to change you back into the person that's manipulatable.
So the closer door you are to freedom, the more they're going to try to change you back, guilt you and pull you back in.
They will use tactics, manipulation, bullying, abuse. They will call you selfish. They will say that you're never there for them. I mean, they will tell you everything, anything to try to get you back in their grip.
So How Do You Handle a Manipulative Person?
Follow these three steps.
1. Center yourself right down your own axis.
2. know where you stand so you can't be knocked around.
3. be prepared. Get yourself out of the crab bucket and expect others to try to pull you back in.
