Narcissists give themselves away through body language, but you have to know what to look for. Today, you’ll learn 3 clues that’ll help you spot a narcissist through non-verbal cues, personal stories from my own experience to help you recognize these patterns, and actionable strategies to empower you in any conversation, making sure you're always one step ahead.
Have you ever left an interaction feeling inexplicably uncomfortable, as though something was just not right? What if your instincts were picking up on subtle, non-verbal cues that were invisible on the surface?
Physical sensations—like feeling uneasy, tension in your shoulders, or a knot in your stomach—are your body's way of signaling that something is off. This is often a subconscious reaction to a narcissist who is using body language as a tool for manipulation. I’ve spent the last twenty years researching the deep connection between self-worth and narcissistic relationships. As a coach, author, and someone who's lived these challenges, I know how confusing these interactions can be.
Narcissists can be tricky to identify in everyday interactions, but if you know what you’re looking for, you can begin to decode the silent signals and uncover hidden manipulation through body language alone. Today, I'll give you 3 non-verbal clues that’ll help you spot a narcissist in everyday situations, personal stories from my own experience to help you recognize these patterns, and actionable strategies to empower you in any situation, making sure you're always one step ahead.
Body Language of a Narcissist #1: Dominating Space
Have you ever found yourself feeling overshadowed in a conversation, as though you were physically shrinking while the other person seemed to take over the room, even without saying much? This is our first clue to spotting the body language of a narcissist: the tendency to physically dominate space.
A grandiose narcissist typically makes their presence felt very clearly. They often position themselves at the center of any group, drawing all eyes and attention to themselves. You'll notice them using expansive gestures; they might spread their arms wide during a conversation, chin lifted, or standing with hands on hips, physically making themselves larger and more commanding. This is their way of dominating the space around them, to make sure they are always the focal point.
In The Devil Wears Prada, the scene where Miranda Priestly first appears is a masterclass in non-verbal dominance. When Miranda enters, notice how the camera follows her, focusing solely on her movements. She doesn't need grand gestures; her authority is inherent in her demeanor and the reactions of those around her. This moment isn’t just her walking into an office; it’s her asserting control over the space and everyone in it. This scene sets the tone for her character and brilliantly showcases how a grandiose narcissist dominates simply through presence.
In contrast, a covert narcissist may also seek to dominate space, but their approach is usually more subtle and less direct. Instead of overt gestures, they might quietly maneuver themselves into positions where they can observe and control the situation. They may choose seating arrangements that place them at strategic points, or subtly invade personal space to unsettle others while maintaining a facade of innocence.
In this intense scene from Breaking Bad, we see Gus Fring invite Walter White to his home for dinner. At first glance, the setting appears completely normal. However, pay attention to a subtle but crucial moment: Gus hands Walter a knife and asks him to assist in preparing the meal. This act, seemingly benign, is strategically manipulative. By involving Walter in the cooking process, Gus subtly shifts the dynamics of power and control. He positions himself as a gracious host, yet this gesture cleverly places Walter in a vulnerable position, both physically and psychologically. This is a classic maneuver of a covert narcissist—using ordinary actions to assert dominance and control, all while maintaining a facade of cordiality.
In real life, the signs might be more subtle and harder to spot. The key is to start noticing when someone consistently takes over conversations or settings, like Miranda, or manipulates situations behind a calm facade, like Gus. This awareness can help you protect yourself against manipulation more effectively.
When you’re an empathetic person like you and me… you might miss these cues because you’re naturally focused on caring for others. You’d probably easily accommodate someone’s need for space—thinking that they are just being confident or strong, rather than seeing it as a manipulation tactic.
In my own experience, the red flag is to notice how I react when someone tries to dominate the space around me. I might find myself unconsciously trying to make myself smaller, as if it's unsafe to take up space. And even though I might not recognize that response right away, I’ll immediately notice a discomfort that stops me from relaxing into my personal space. I might catch myself slouching, tilting my head down, or crossing my arms and legs to minimize my physical footprint. While this doesn't always mean I'm dealing with a narcissist, it's a physical sign that I need to be cautious.
Tools For Empowerment: Mirror Match Test
When you feel someone is dominating the space, as if they're physically overshadowing you, try the Mirror and Match Test. This tool checks for their awareness and reaction to shared physical space, a subtle test for narcissism.
Start by subtly mirroring their body language; if they’re standing with their hands on their hips, mirror that stance. Then, gradually alter your posture to a more neutral stance. Observe if they adjust their body language to match yours or if they continue to impose their presence. If they intensify their dominating posture, ignoring your more balanced stance, this is a red flag and can indicate a lack of empathy and awareness, key traits of narcissism.
To disengage, use your body language assertively: stand up straight, maintain eye contact, and confidently say, “I need to take care of something, you’ll have to excuse me.” This response takes care of your needs and maintains a position of power by not asking for permission to end the conversation.
Body Language of a Narcissist #2: Contradictory Body Signals
Have you ever met someone whose words seemed warm and welcoming, but their facial expressions or gestures felt oddly mismatched? This is our second clue to spotting the body language of a narcissist: contradictory body signals.
Grandiose narcissists often use a calculated approach in their interactions, displaying a significant contradiction between their verbal expressions and their body language. They may smile broadly, projecting an image of friendliness and openness, yet their eyes often tell a different story—cold and detached, indicating a lack of genuine interest and a more calculating disposition. Similarly, while they might verbally express gratitude or warmth, their physical expressions can betray their true feelings; a lack of enthusiasm or subtle signs of disgust or contempt might seep through their facade. This mismatch between what they say and how they truly feel or react physically points to their intention to manipulate and maintain control, all while hiding their actual motives and emotional detachment.
An example of this is Miranda's contradictory body language in the Devil Wears Prada. Andy successfully delivers an unpublished manuscript, a task Miranda set with high expectations. Despite achieving this near-impossible feat, Andy is met with Miranda's cold reception. While Miranda offers a “Thank you,” her expression is distinctly disappointed and her body language—lacking eye contact and displaying a flat affect—clearly contradicts her words.
Covert narcissists exhibit contradictory body signals in more subtle and often confusing ways that can manipulate perceptions and elicit pity. While they may use soft, engaging tones that suggest openness, their body language—like crossed arms, minimal eye contact, or a turned away posture—often reveals detachment or disinterest. On the flip side, they might use agreeable and friendly gestures, such as raised eyebrows or smiles, specifically designed to gain trust and provoke sympathy. This deliberate misalignment between their verbal expressions and non-verbal cues tends to leave you feeling uneasy and uncertain. It is difficult to gauge the covert narcissist’s true feelings or intentions due to this constant fluctuation between appearing vulnerable and emotionally distant—a tactical move intended to keep others off-balance and more susceptible to manipulation.
Benjamin Linus in Lost is a great example of this. He often disguises his dominating intentions behind a facade of vulnerability using contradictory body language to manipulate those around him—frequently raising his eyebrows to convey friendliness and innocence, aiming to appear harmless to garner trust and sympathy. This stark contrast between his seemingly innocent gestures and his final smug expression exposes his true manipulative intent.
Of course, in real life, the signs of contradictory body language might be subtler and harder to recognize, but if you keep these scenes in mind they can help you spot key patterns. Does someone, like Miranda, offer words of thanks while their facial expression shows disappointment? Or like Benjamin, do they use friendly gestures that seem overly performed or insincere?
When you’re an empathetic person, you might miss this because you're focused on understanding others. You might interpret mismatched verbal and non-verbal cues as strange quirks rather than manipulations. It’s important to keep one eye open to manipulative tactics so you can protect yourself from emotional exploitation.
For me, the first clue is realizing that I don’t trust someone, even if I can't immediately pinpoint why. Whether it’s conscious or unconscious, the distrust often comes from noticing contradictory signals, like someone saying they're happy while their eyes are cold or claiming to be open but maintaining a closed, defensive posture. These mismatched messages can leave me feeling confused or uneasy, alerting me that something about it isn’t quite right. Of course, your own mistrust doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a narcissist, it’s just a warning sign to pay attention and to proceed carefully.
Tools for Empowerment: Consistency Check Test
When you observe contradictory body signals, such as someone displaying a friendly demeanor while subtly invading your personal space, or offering supportive words but with a dismissive tone, try the Consistency Check Test. This method helps determine if the mismatch is a red flag or just an innocent error by testing their consistency in emotional expression.
Begin by closely listening to the emotion they are verbally expressing and engage more deeply on that topic. For instance, if they mention excitement, explore the exciting aspects of the conversation further. Watch their facial expressions carefully: if their expressions start to align more naturally with their words, it might suggest that the initial mismatch was simply an awkward moment.
However, if they continue to display contradictory signals, such as voicing agreement while their facial expressions show skepticism or saying they are happy to see someone while avoiding eye contact, it points to a deliberate facade. This persistent inconsistency between their spoken words and non-verbal cues could be a manipulation tactic designed to mislead or control the emotional tone of the situation.
If you’d like a copy of the tools I share, sign up below and you’ll get a new 3-minute empowerment plan every week.
Body Language of a Narcissist #3: Eye Contact Manipulation
Have you ever felt unnerved by someone's gaze during a conversation, where their eye contact seemed either too intense or strangely absent? This is our third clue to spotting the body language of a narcissist: the manipulation of eye contact.
Grandiose narcissists often use eye contact as a tool of domination. They might hold your gaze intensely, longer than feels comfortable, to establish power and control in the interaction. This intense stare can feel overwhelming or even threatening, as it's meant to assert their dominance and make you feel subordinate.
An example of this is Frank Underwood from House of Cards. He strategically uses a direct, piercing gaze during conversations to assert dominance and control over others. His use of eye contact isn't just about making a connection; it's about overpowering and manipulating the person on the other end of his stare.
Even the scenes where Frank breaks the fourth wall to address the audience directly are prime examples of using eye contact to establish power. Even though he's speaking to viewers, the intensity of his gaze feels as though he's commanding and manipulating us as part of his broader schemes within the narrative of the show.
In contrast, covert narcissists may use eye contact more subtly. They might avoid your gaze to create a sense of insecurity in you or to avoid revealing their true intentions. Alternatively, they might use sporadic eye contact, looking away at crucial moments, which can make you feel undervalued and insecure. This erratic behavior is a manipulation tactic to keep you off-balance and easier to control.
An example of this is Norman Bates from the TV series Bates Motel. Norman often avoids direct eye contact, which creates an unsettling feeling and adds to the suspense about his true intentions. His sporadic eye contact, shifting between direct stares and sudden diversions of his gaze, perfectly encapsulates the behavior of a covert narcissist. This manipulative use of eye contact is designed to unsettle others while maintaining a facade of innocence or confusion.
In real life, the signs of eye contact manipulation might be more subtle and trickier to spot. The key is to start noticing patterns: does someone hold your gaze intensely like Frank Underwood, perhaps trying to dominate or intimidate? Or do they avoid eye contact erratically like Norman Bates, creating an air of unpredictability and insecurity? Recognizing these behaviors can help you understand underlying intentions and protect yourself from subtle forms of manipulation.
When you’re an empathetic person, you might miss these cues because you’re naturally focused on connecting with and supporting others. You might interpret intense staring as someone being deeply engaged or thoughtful, or you might dismiss erratic gaze avoidance as mere shyness or distraction. It’s important to remember that these could be strategic behaviors intended to unsettle or dominate, rather than innocent personality styles.
For me, the red flag is to notice how I react to someone's eye contact. When someone holds my gaze too intensely, I might feel overwhelmed or overpowered without understanding why. Or I might feel the need to break eye contact to relieve the pressure. This instinctual discomfort can be subtle, but it's a sign that the situation may not be as straightforward as it looks. While intense eye contact doesn't always mean we’re dealing with a narcissist, it's an indication to pay special attention to the power dynamics and proceed with caution.
Tools for Empowerment: Blink Rate Mirror Test
When you suspect someone might be manipulating the conversation with their eye contact, try the Blink Rate Mirror Test. This technique tests their adaptability and reveals their intentions through changes in eye contact.
Begin by matching their blink rate. If they blink slowly, mimic this to gauge their response. Then, intentionally slow down your blink rate even more, making each blink calm and measured. Observe their reaction closely: if they adjust to match this change, it might indicate a genuine attempt to connect. However, if they maintain or intensify their initial blinking pattern, it suggests they are attempting to control the interaction.
After experimenting with the slower blink rate, return to your normal rhythm and watch their response. If they continue with their original unusual eye contact rather than adapting to your natural tempo, stay alert. This inflexibility often signifies underlying manipulative behaviors or discomfort with genuine interaction, traits commonly associated with narcissistic personalities.
so to recap…
If someone is dominating space = use the mirror match test
contradictory body signals = use the consistency check test
eye contact manipulation = use the blink rate mirror test
Understanding the body language of a narcissist is crucial for everyone. However, it’s impossible to know exactly who you’re dealing with by selectively studying nonverbal cues. What’s even more important is to learn how to spot them in everyday conversation, and if you know what to look for, you can learn to spot them within seconds. So click here to learn—5 Clues to Spot a Covert Narcissist in Conversation, to make sure you're always one step ahead.