In this engaging episode, we delve into the world of self-care and uncover the misconceptions that may be hindering our well-being.
Have you ever found yourself attempting self-care rituals, only to feel more stressed, overwhelmed, or out of control? If so, you're not alone. Many people have experienced this paradox, where self-care seems to have the opposite effect. In this episode, I uncover the reason why typical self-care routines make you feel worse, and bring you nine simple self-care habits that will actually improve happiness, self-worth, and overall well-being.
These self-care habits are designed to be easily incorporated into your daily routine, allowing you to build self-worth, recharge your batteries, and cultivate balance in your life. Gone are the days of chasing fleeting moments of relaxation or indulging in temporary fixes. Instead, we focus on practices that nurture your mental health, boost productivity, and facilitate personal growth.
There’s been a widespread misunderstanding about self-care routines for mental health. Self-care has been mistakenly equated with self-pity, self-indulgence, and instant gratification. This confusion has inadvertently led to apathy, a state where one feels helpless and resigned to their circumstances—a lack of enthusiasm, interest, and concern.
True self-care, on the other hand, demands effort, attention, and care. It necessitates working towards what you genuinely desire, investing in your present self to become a better version of yourself tomorrow. I refer to this as “self-efforting”, a process that involves building self-sovereignty, self-respect, and self-worth. By keeping promises to yourself, you strengthen self-trust. Through self-accountability and making choices that foster long-term success, you take ownership of your life and empower yourself to create meaningful change. At the end of the day, you'll feel proud of the progress you've made.
Join me in this enlightening episode as we uncover the secrets of self-efforting. Discover how to implement these powerful self-care habits and understand why they work. By embracing true self-care and putting in the necessary effort, you can transform your mental health, boost your productivity, and unlock personal growth. Get ready to take charge of your life and embark on a journey towards holistic well-being.
CHAPTERS:
0:00 Why Self-Care Doesn’t Work
0:43 Statistics About Self-Care and Mental Health
2:20 Self-Care v. Self-Efforting
3:19 Self-Care Habit 1 - Color Outside the Lines
3:52 Free Self-Care Workbook (Link in Description)
4:12 Self-Care Habit 2 - Say No, Then Yes
4:54 Self-Care Habit 3 - Take the Long Way Home
5:34 Self-Care Habit 4 - Give Yourself Structure
6:09 Self-Care Habit 5 - Meet Someone In Real Life
6:52 Self-Care Habit 6 - Cook Something from Scratch
7:29 Self-Care Habit 7 - Finish Something Important
7:59 Self-Care Habit 8 - Be Willing to Get a C
8:24 Self-Care Habit 9 - Get Up Off the Couch
9:21 Recap: 9 Self-Care and Self-Efforting Styles to Improve Your Life
transcript
The Problem with Self Care
Have you ever tried to wash away a hard day with a candlelit bubble bath only to find yourself feeling worse? Have you ever rewarded yourself ordering a pizza when you're stressed or having a glass of wine when you're overwhelmed or maybe buying a new outfit when you're feeling frumpy, only to end up feeling discouraged and guilt ridden?
If self-care has made you feel even more stressed, overwhelmed, and out of control, you're not alone In this episode, I'm sharing nine simple self-care habits that have made a huge difference in my feelings of happiness, self-worth, and wellbeing.
These habits are easy to incorporate into your daily routine, and they'll help you build self-worth, recharge your batteries, and cultivate balance in your life.
Hi there. I'm Meadow Devor helping you with strategies and tools to build self-worth. On this channel I share self-development tips and practical ways to change your life. Since the pandemic, self-care has become a priority for most people.
The Problem with Self-Care and Mental Health
69% of Americans reported goals of spending more time on self-care. 67% said that self-care is part of their daily routine, and 70% report that they reward themselves after a hard week. At the same time, prescriptions for antidepressants, anti-anxiety and anti insomnia drugs have jumped 21% per year.
With all these people prioritizing self-care, why aren't we seeing a trend toward wellbeing? why are we still so stressed out, anxious, sleepless and overwhelmed? Short answer, we're doing it wrong. There's been a major misunderstanding and one that has robbed us of the experience, outcome, and benefit of caring for ourselves.
This misunderstanding has confused self-care, with self-pity, self-indulgence, and instant gratification. And while the intention is self-care, this misunderstanding leads to the exact opposite, a sense of apathy. Apathy is what you feel when you don't believe you have the ability to change your circumstances.
Apathy is what you feel when you've given up. Given in and decided to tolerate a life that you shouldn't. It's a lack of enthusiasm. Lack of interest. A lack of concern. Simply put. Apathy is the state of not caring. True self-care means that you must actually care.
Self-Care v. Self-Efforting
Care requires effort. It requires your attention. It requires that you work towards something that you want. It requires your enthusiasm, interest and concern. This is what I call self efforting, and this episode is going to show you how to do it and why it works.
Self efforting is about adding effort to make your life better. It's about building self sovereignty, self-respect and self-worth. It's about keeping promises to yourself so that you can strengthen self trust. It's about investing in who you are so that you can become someone better tomorrow.
It's about self-accountability and making choices that create long-term success. Self efforting is about taking ownership of your life, empowering yourself to create change, and being proud of your yourself at the end of the day.
Let's get into the self-care style that will make the most difference in your life.
Here are nine different categories of self-care and self efforting, and I want you to choose the self-care or self efforting style that you most need. Your style should be difficult for you. It should actually stretch you, and it should be a little uncomfortable.
It should get you out of the habitual patterns so you can truly take care of your needs.
Self-Efforting Style 1: Color Outside the Lines
Self efforting style one: color outside the lines. If you are the type of person who's perfectionistic, who stresses is about doing things right, so much that you end up in analysis paralysis rather than taking action, this style is for you. You need to take time, attention, and effort coloring outside the lines.
This style of self efforting is about breaking the rules and being willing to do things wrong. It means breaking the perfectionistic rules you'll have for yourself, and doing something messy intentionally, doing something wrong. Throw paint at the wall, get messy, run with scissors, and most of all, be willing to break your own rules.
Speaking of coloring outside the lines, I just created a self-worth workbook, a daily guide to building self-esteem, and in it I share a self-care checklist, confidence affirmations, self-esteem, journaling prompts, self-love wallpaper for your iPhone and devices and daily activities to help you build self-worth.
It's my gift to you for being part of my community, . I really love it and I really look forward to sharing it with you. It's linked in the description.
Self-Efforting Style Two: Say No, Then Yes.
Now onto self efforting style two. Say no, then yes.
So if you're the type of person who worries about people around you, tends to over give, over serve, who tends to be exhausted, overly busy, who never has enough me time. This style is for you.
This self efforting style is going to be hard for you because first you must say no to someone else, and then you must say yes to yourself.
This means that you're going to have to be willing to be selfish. Yes, selfish, and also to have boundaries. So you say no to hosting the book club and you say yes to a yoga class maybe, or you say no to volunteering in the classroom, but you say yes to walking on the beach.
Self-Efforting Style Three: Take the Long Way Home
Self-efforting style three. Take the long way home. If you're the type of person who has a to-do list that's a mile long, who strives for efficiency races through life
and is the person who always gets stuff done. Style three is for you. This self efforting style requires that you go against your speedy and efficient ways. It requires you to move at a slower pace, to savor the small stuff and to soak in the beauty around you. This style isn't about kicking back and relaxing. It's about slowing things down and waking up and experiencing the moment. It's about walking away from the frenetic busyness so that you can remember what life is really about.
Self-Efforting Style Four: Give Yourself Structure
Self efforting style four give yourself structure. If you're the type of person who puts things off, who readily chooses comfort and ease, and who tends to plan your day according to your current mood, or who waits for motivation or inspiration to magically appear, this one's for you. This self efforting style requires that you stop waiting for inspiration and instead create some structure.
This style is about moving forward towards your goals rather than waiting for them to appear. It's about creating a schedule and sticking to it. It's about doing rather than resting. It's about getting out of your comfort zone and doing something important, even, especially when you don't feel like it.
Self-Efforting Style Five: Meet Someone in Real Life
Self efforting style. Five. Meet someone in real life. If you're the type of person who's all too content, staying home, ordering in and enjoying a nice evening with your plants, your pet, a book, or a good movie style five is for you.
This self efforting style requires you to go beyond your introverted home body comfort zone so that you engage with real life. This is about creating connections with people, with places, with nature, with animals.
It's about taking a risk and dipping your toe into the water of life. It's an invitation to adventure, to risk to the unknown. This style requires that you create a larger life and expand your horizons.
Self-Efforting Style Six: Cook Something from Scratch
Self Efforting style six. Cook something from scratch. If you're the type of person who's frantic, overwhelmed, and anxious, if you're feeling overworked and under-appreciated.
If you're the type of person who's riddled with self-doubt or feeling like life is just too dang hard, style six is for you. This self efforting style is about making one small choice for yourself and then following it through to the end. It's about working beyond self-doubt so that you can enjoy the process.
It's about resisting temptation to give up and give in, and instead to empower yourself and dig into the creation process.
Self-Efforting Style Seven: Finish Something Important
Self efforting style. Seven. Finish something important. If you're the type of person who constantly seeks stimulation, adventure, and fun, the type of person who'd rather be out in the world having experiences rather than sitting home being bored, style seven is for you. This self efforting style is about going against your extroverted joy seeking tendencies, and instead buckling down to do the real work.
It's about being willing to be bored in order to finish something important. It's about being willing to stay with the tedium so that you can accomplish a meaningful task It's about focusing in, committing and sticking with something that truly makes your life better rather than getting distracted with frivolous fun.
Self-Efforting Style Eight: Be Willing to Get a C
The next self efforting style is be willing to get a c. If you are the type of person who always hustles, who always wins, who feels pressure to not only get things done, but to get them done with excellence. This one's for you. This self efforting style is about going against the habit of competing, achieving, and trying to win, and instead cultivating humility.
It's about allowing yourself the grace of just simply being ordinary. It's about putting down the measuring stick and taking away the pressure. It's about getting comfortable with who you are rather than how you rank. It's about cultivating a sense of self-worth that has nothing to do with your achievements.
Self-Efforting Style Nine: Get Up Off the Couch
And the last self efforting style is to get up off the couch. If you're the type of person who has a difficult time getting going, who gets stuck in the inertia of life, who often sits back, stays quiet, or doesn't really get involved. This one's for you. This self efforting style is about going against your tendency to avoid life.
It's about getting over the hump so that you can engage quickly and fully.
It requires you to go against your tendency to wait to hold back and to stay small. It requires you to show up, get involved, and do something. Go for a run, make a phone call you've been avoiding, stop waiting, and go.
So to recap, true self-care means that you must actually care. Care requires effort. It requires your attention. This is why most self-care routines end up making you feel worse. And why thinking of self-care as self efforting will make a huge difference in your overall feelings of happiness, self-worth and wellbeing.
Recap:
Here are the nine self-care styles and self efforting habits that will change your life.
For perfectionists color outside the lines
For overgiving, people pleasers, say no to someone and then yes to yourself
For speedy list maker efficiency seekers, take the long way home
For moody unmotivated procrastinators, give yourself structure
For introverted homebodies, meet someone in real life.
If you're overwhelmed and anxious, cook something [00:10:30] from scratch.
If you're distracted and ungrounded, finish something important.
For the hustler, overachiever, be willing to get a C.
And lastly, for those of you who are feeling lazy, uninspired, and stuck, get up off the couch.
To make self-care part of your day routine. You need to know why you resist change, and how to make actual changes in your life to learn why it's so hard to change habits and why change is essential for building self-worth, and most importantly, how to make it easier… so watch this video next >> Why Change Feels Impossible (And How to Break Through)