Do you find yourself ensnared in a web of Toxic Relationships, constantly navigating Emotional Manipulation and feeling like you can never do enough? You might be a target of Covert Narcissism or Vulnerable Narcissism and not even realize it. This game-changing episode exposes the Emotional Abuse and Manipulative Behavior these individuals use to control their victims.
Dive deep into the complex world of Covert Narcissism and Vulnerable Narcissism, both subtypes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This episode delves into the sneaky Emotional Manipulation tactics they use. Featuring relatable Pop Culture examples and actionable Recovery Steps.
Transcript
Have you ever felt like you're walking on eggshells around someone who seems perfectly nice, but leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or just downright feeling guilty? Stick around because today we're diving deep into the world of covert narcissism, what it is, how to spot it, and crucial steps for recovery. Not just that, we'll be exploring some famous characters in pop culture that might give you that “aha” moment. So let's dive in.
Hi there. I'm Meadow DeVor, helping you with simple tools to help you recover from narcissistic relationships and build self-worth.
What is Covert Narcissism?
So what is covert narcissism? Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable narcissism, is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, that is characterized by some of the same traits as traditional or overt narcissism, but manifests in more subtle and less obvious ways. Covert narcissists often hide their narcissistic traits behind a facade of humility, vulnerability, and introversion.
Withdrawn Self-Centeredness
Where overt narcissists display grandiosity, in a covert narcissist, you're going to see something called withdrawn self-centeredness. They think they're amazing. They think they're wonderful. They think that most people aren't able or smart enough or special enough to see how wonderful they are. But in general, they know they're not able to convince the world to see them in the same way. So the covert narcissist would draws into a smaller audience. Isolates or has a very selective pool of people around them.
How the Covert Narcissist Manipulates
What you see is more this constant need for reassurance, pity, or attention. They are transactional, doing things to get their needs met, keeping score where they believe they've been wronged and are entitled to privileges. Emotional coldness, or a lack of empathy is a common trait of narcissism, but. What you'll see more with covert narcissists is a false empathy used as a tool to manipulate others. You'll see them be sad, depressed, and upset. They may even cry real tears, but it will always be out of self-pity rather than true sadness, compassion, or empathy.
Pop Culture References for Covert Narcissism
For me, sometimes the easiest way to learn things is to look at pop culture, especially when I'm trying to understand complex concepts like covert narcissism. Walter White from Breaking Bad, especially in the early seasons, is a really good one to look at. Walter starts off seemingly meek and forlorn, but slowly reveals this deeply narcissistic and manipulative side as this series progresses.
While he may not be a true covert narcissist in the traditional sense, Some of the elements of his character fit the profile, such as his hidden grandiosity and his willingness to exploit others. Mother Gothel from Tangled presents herself as this caring, protective mother figure, but her love is conditional and manipulative.
She keeps Rapunzel isolated while feeding off of her powers to remain young Mother Gothel undermines Rapunzel's self-esteem. Theme and makes her dependent. This is a classic sign of covert narcissism. Norman Bates from Psycho, obviously a psychopath, but also Norman Bates appears timid and unassuming, but also has this deeply ingrained, manipulative, dark side.
His subservient relationship to his mother and the way he manipulates circumstances to seem like the victim can be interpreted as signs of covert narcissism as well. The Other Mother from Coraline. This character lures coralline into this seemingly perfect world offering what seems to be this better, more attentive version of her real mother.
However, this is just a facade to control and eventually consume. Coraline Other Mother's victimization of herself where she says, "I just wanna be a good mother," is a perfect example of covert narcissism.
Signs of Covert Narcissism: Selective Responsiveness
So let's walk through three unmistakable signs that you can spot in your daily interactions.
Sign number one is selective responsiveness. With a covert narcissist, you're going to see that they are extremely responsive when it serves their interests, but noticeably unresponsive when you're in need.
This is a manipulative tactic designed to keep you off balance.
Signs of Covert Narcissism: Jekyll and Hyde Behavior
Sign number two. Jekyll and Hyde Behavior. In your relationship, you'll experience a confusing mix of warmth and coldness. This inconsistency keeps you emotionally invested and perpetually trying to decode their behavior.
Signs of Covert Narcissism: Financial or Emotional Dependence
And finally, sign number three. This was the biggie for me. Financial or emotional dependence. Covert narcissists will often make it seem like you are their lifeline for emotional or even financial stability.
Three Steps to Recover from Covert Narcissistic Abuse
Understanding covert narcissism is a big piece of the puzzle, but what comes next? The first step is understanding the dynamic. It's crucial to gain a. Clear picture of covert narcissism and the manipulation tactics used. So arm yourself with knowledge, watch videos, read books, consult professionals, and talk to people you trust.
Step two is understanding boundaries. It's vital to establish and strengthen and refine your boundaries through honoring your emotions and by defining and protecting your sense of self.
Step three is to build self-worth, and that starts with understanding people pleasing to learn the psychology behind it and why you need to stop. Watch this next: People Pleasing & Narcissists: Why We Attract Them, How to Break Free & 3 Key Tools.