Here’s a stat that might surprise you: 84% of people bold enough to ask for higher pay succeed in getting it. So why are so many of us riddled with self-doubt and insecurity when it comes to asking for money?
Today, we're covering the 3 key reasons that you’re not making the money you deserve including: the hidden signs that you're undervaluing your work without realizing it, how your past experiences and relationships have shaped your financial self-worth, and effective, yet overlooked strategies to finally feel empowered to ask for the money you deserve.
So, how do you know if you're truly earning what you deserve? Believe it or not, there are several hidden signs in your daily routine that clearly indicate you're undervaluing your work.
Sign #1 of Not Being Paid What You’re Worth: Financial Stress
One of the key signs is financial stress. It's a feeling we all know, but did you know that this type of stress is deeply connected to self-worth and undervaluing yourself?
Financial stress can show up in various ways, like struggling to make ends meet, constantly worrying about bills, wondering where you’re going to find your next client, or feeling that no matter how hard you work, you're not making progress. Let me tell ya, I know this one all too well.
In 2009, I found myself in a perfect storm of financial problems. I had just filed for divorce. I was a newly-single mother of a little six-year old little girl, and within a span of a few months, real estate values plummeted, my income disappeared, and the people who owed me a few hundred thousand dollars (for a prior business sale) filed for bankruptcy, leaving me with over half a million dollars in debt.
This was my financial rock bottom—and the thing that turned me around was one question that changed everything—What is my part in this? This question made me look at the cold hard truth of my situation and helped me realize that all of my financial struggles traced back to one common thing: a lack of self-worth.
This understanding became the foundation of the principles I now teach, concepts that have not only transformed my life but have helped thousands of others through my coaching, speaking, and my best-selling book, The Worthy Project. The link between financial worth and self-worth is undeniable. This is why financial stress isn’t just about the money; it's a clear indicator of how we value ourselves. Understanding this connection is key to recognizing and claiming our true worth.
In my case, the financial turmoil was a wake-up call. It was not just about what I owed or the income I lost; it was the consequence of consistently undervaluing myself, in business and in life.
Sign #2 of Not Being Paid What You’re Worth: Exhaustion and Burnout
Beyond financial stress, another subtle yet significant sign you're undervaluing yourself is constant exhaustion and burnout. It's not just about physical tiredness; it's about feeling emotionally drained, even when you're achieving your goals. This often happens when we pour our energy into work without receiving the recognition or compensation that truly reflects our efforts. It’s a telltale sign that we’re giving more than we're getting back.
Sign #3 of Not Being Paid What You’re Worth: Blurred Work Boundaries
And let's not overlook the importance of boundaries. If you're finding it hard to separate your work life from your personal life, if you're answering work emails late into the night or sacrificing your weekends without additional compensation, it's a clear indicator that you're not valuing your own time. This lack of boundaries is not just a scheduling issue; it's a reflection of how much you value yourself and your personal wellbeing.
Recognizing these signs—financial stress, exhaustion and burnout, and blurred work-life boundaries—is crucial. They're more than just day-to-day challenges; they're indicators that we might not be fully recognizing our worth. But identifying these signs is only the beginning.
Before we get into how you can start getting paid what you truly deserve, we need to look at a fundamental issue that often goes unnoticed.
How Childhood Experiences Shape Our Earning Power
So, think about this: Why is it so hard to ask for the compensation we deserve, in our personal or professional lives? This challenge frequently stems from deep-rooted patterns established in childhood, especially for those of us who were raised in environments where personal needs were overlooked, such as in narcissistic, neglectful, or emotionally abusive households. These early experiences might be subtly dictating the value you place on yourself and your work.
How Childhood Neglect and Abuse Effects Earning Power
If you've grown up in an environment where your needs were consistently sidelined or ignored, you might have developed a tendency to undervalue your contributions and accept less than you deserve. For instance, if you were often praised for being selfless and putting others first, you might find it difficult now to assert your own needs and ask for fair compensation. You might equate asking for more with being selfish or unreasonable, which simply is not true. These deep-seated beliefs often show up in subtle ways. Perhaps you struggle with salary negotiations or hesitate to raise your rates. Maybe you take on too much work without seeking fair compensation. These patterns aren't just about money; they're reflections of how you value yourself.
How Narcissistic Abuse Effects Earning Power
Another critical aspect to consider, especially for those raised by narcissistic parents, is the belief that love and connection are conditional on performance. This belief, deeply embedded during childhood, often plays out in adult professional relationships with bosses or clients. If you grew up feeling that you had to earn a narcissistic parent's affection or approval through your actions or achievements, you might unconsciously replicate this pattern in your career. You might find yourself overworking, constantly seeking approval, or feeling anxious about your performance, as if your worth to your clients or employer is solely based on how much you do for them, not on the inherent value you bring.
This need to 'perform' for love or approval can lead to accepting lower pay than you deserve because you're subconsciously seeking validation, not fair compensation. It’s a pattern where your financial worth becomes entangled with a deep-seated need for emotional fulfillment. Breaking free from this cycle means recognizing that your value is not contingent on how much you do or how much others approve of you. It's about redefining your worth independently of external validation and understanding that your skills, experience, and contribution have intrinsic value.
How To Earn What You’re Worth
So now let’s talk about the real important issue: how do you get to the point where you actually feel empowered enough to ask for what you deserve? So here’s the deal, this isn’t just about saying the words, it’s about a fundamental shift in how you perceive and present your worth in every aspect of your life. The good news is that this can be learned and you can start practicing right away.
There are two ways to under-earn: one is to charge too little, the other is to give too much.
To own your power, you need to think of a basic supply and demand model. In any market, the value of a product is often determined by its availability. The rarer something is, the more valuable it becomes. This idea applies to your personal and professional worth as well. When you give too much of yourself—your time, your energy, your skills—for too little, you inadvertently increase the supply and diminish your perceived value. It's a common trap where your generosity or eagerness to please leads to being undervalued. If things become too easy to get, value collapses and worth vanishes.
To increase your value, you need to limit the supply of what you offer. This doesn’t mean withholding your talents or effort, but rather being strategic about how, when, and to whom you offer your skills and time. It’s about setting boundaries and standards for your work. For example, if you're a freelancer, this might mean taking on fewer clients but at higher rates. If you're in a traditional job, it could involve being more selective about the extra tasks you take on, ensuring they align with your career goals and are properly acknowledged.
This basically comes down to healthy boundaries. Having clear boundaries about what you are willing to deliver and what you require in return, not only increases your self-worth, but also your financial value. It's not about creating scarcity for its own sake; it's about creating a balance where your contributions are properly valued and recognized. It's moving from a place where you feel compelled to constantly prove your worth by doing more, to a position where you confidently assert the value of what you already bring to the table.
Start small. For instance, decide on 'email-free hours' at home or commit to taking your full lunch break without work interruptions. If a client pings you in your off-hours, don’t respond immediately. Wait until you’re back in the office, where you can offer a thoughtful reply. These small changes signal to both yourself and others that your time and well-being are valuable.
It’s important to understand that you alone are the determiner of the supply and demand of your resources. You are the spender, the earner, the investor. This means that you are the only one who can determine, influence, or change your worth.
However, there are a lot of moving parts to this strategy. If you really want to learn how to feel comfortable asking for money and confident in your value, and finally put an end to imposter syndrome, I have a process anyone can follow that solves this exact problem and I turned it into a 90 minute workshop where we look at a solution that goes far deeper, to address the underlying problem at the root of under-earning, money anxiety, and imposter syndrome.
We explore the deep connection between past emotional wounds, including childhood traumas and experiences with narcissistic abuse, and discomfort around earning. We go far deeper into how these past experiences unconsciously shape your views on self-worth and success, and how healing from them can unlock your true earning potential. We tackle imposter syndrome, the fear of rejection, and the insecurities that hold you back from stepping forward. We also work to uplevel your self-worth by setting higher standards for what you’re willing to accept. I’m so excited to share this with you, if you’re ready to uplevel your earning power, click the link below to learn more and book your space and I'll hopefully see you soon.